Talk With Your Kids About These Issues

Talk With Your Kids About These Issues

A father and his teenaged daughter walking down a street having a conversation.

Talking with your child about drugs,
alcohol, and tobacco can be difficult. But don’t ignore these topics. Children learn about
these substances and feel pressure to use them at a very young age.

If your child is older than 5 or anytime your child starts asking, start talking with him or her about drugs, alcohol, and tobacco. Here are some guidelines on how to start talking and how to help your kids be substance-free.

Start early

Experts suggest that you start talking about drinking, smoking, and using drugs when your child is between ages 5 and 7, and that you keep the discussion going.

When possible, look for teachable
moments. For example, if family members drink wine with dinner, talk about why they do
and what it means to drink responsibly. Or if your younger child is watching TV and a
beer commercial comes on, discuss the fact that although the people in the commercial
appear to be having a good time, drinking too much alcohol can cause you to make bad
decisions. It can also cause you to hurt yourself or others. Talking with your child at
a young age is especially important if family members have alcohol or drug problems.
Children with a family history of substance abuse are more likely to become substance

As your child gets older, continue
to talk regularly about drugs, alcohol, and tobacco. But do so in a way that’s right
for your child’s age. Make your views on the subject clear and repeat them often. If you
don’t approve of smoking or drinking, be sure your child knows this. Your child needs to
understand that under no circumstances is drug use acceptable and that there are no safe
street drugs.

Know the facts

To educate your child, become
informed. Learn about the main drugs that children often try first:

  • Alcohol

  • Marijuana (smoking and edibles)

  • Nicotine (cigarettes, e-cigarettes or vaporizers, and chewing tobacco)

  • Inhalants (glue, paint, hair spray, and correction fluid)

The more you know about drugs, alcohol, and tobacco, the clearer you will be when you tell your child why he or she should not drink alcohol or use tobacco or drugs.

Talk about these facts:

  • Getting drunk affects
    judgment. It can make people take dangerous risks that they would not take if they
    were sober. For younger children, warnings may include riding in cars with a drunk
    driver (including, unfortunately, parents). Or being around people who are
    violent. For preteens and teens, warnings about loss of judgment might include:

    • Riding with a drunk driver or driving while drunk
    • Having sex against their will or before they are
    • Having unprotected sex at any time, which could cause
      infection with a sexually transmitted disease such as HIV

    Loss of inhibition may introduce them to drugs or the dangerous practice of
    sharing needles. And finally, teen girls may be beaten while they are drunk, their
    boyfriends are drunk, or both are drunk.

  • Marijuana causes short-term
    memory loss. Ongoing use during the school years harms the child’s ability to
    function at school. It may result in poor grades and trouble with social
    relationships. It’s also illegal. If a child is caught, both the child and the
    parents will be held legally responsible.

  • Marijuana alternatives such
    as spice are no safer. In fact, they may have more risks. These options are
    readily available. They are even sold in stores labeled as incense. This does not
    mean that they are safe or legal.

  • Bath salts (not to be
    confused with bathing soaps or perfumes). These are manmade crystallized drugs
    that contain stimulants or other psychoactive drugs in small amounts. These drugs
    are readily available and may even be sold in stores. They are not legal or safe
    to use.

  • Nicotine is addictive, and
    smoking is dangerous to your health. It also makes your clothes, breath, and hair
    smell bad. And it is expensive. These immediate consequences can be more
    convincing to kids than the threat of health problems years from now. But it
    doesn’t hurt to remind them that smoking causes serious lung disease, cancer, and
    greater risk for heart attack. It is responsible for nearly 500,000 premature
    deaths each year in the U.S.

  • Using an inhalant is
    extremely dangerous and can kill you. Even using it once can cause suffocation or
    heart irregularities. The solvents that are typically inhaled damage the liver and
    other organs. Some substances can increase the risk for leukemia. Use can cause
    lifelong (permanent) brain damage.

  • When children or teens drink
    and use drugs, it affects their brains differently than adult brains. This is
    because the brain is more vulnerable during childhood and the teen years to
    changes and damage caused by alcohol and drugs.

How to be supportive

You may get a variety of responses
when you bring up substance abuse with preteens or teens. If your child is already
involved in these activities, you may get responses such as, “You’re making a big deal
out of this,” “I can quit when I’m older,” and “You did it when you were a kid.” It’s
important that you stay calm, be nonjudgmental and state the facts. Making threats or
losing your temper will not work in the long run. Here’s what will work:

  • Make your point. Be clear about your views on drug, alcohol, and tobacco
    use. State your position calmly and clearly. For instance: “No amount of smoking,
    drinking, or drug use is OK with me.” If you currently smoke, drink, or use drugs,
    or if you have in the past, be honest about it. Tell your teen why you don’t want
    him or her to make the same mistakes you did.

  • Give guidance. Preteens and teens sometimes use drugs, alcohol, or tobacco
    to cope with strong emotions or feelings. Talk with your teen about other ways
    that he or she can manage emotional pain, stress, or loneliness.

  • Listen. Pay attention to what your child says. Do your best not to get
    defensive. Talk about your child’s opinions without judging or accusing him or
    her. For example, if your child says smoking makes him cool, ask him to define
    what makes one person cooler than another.

  • Explain the message. Talk with your teen about the messages in cigarette
    and alcohol advertising. Explain how companies use marketing to sell their
    products. Nobody likes to be tricked or manipulated.

  • Role-play. A newspaper story about a car accident caused by drinking or
    about a drug incident at your child’s school can give you a good chance to talk.
    Ask your teen questions such as, “What would you say if someone offered you
    drugs?” Then help him or her come up with confident, helpful answers.

  • Be open. Make a written contract with your teen. Include a section stating
    that you will pick up your teen, no questions asked, if he or she is drunk or high
    or is offered a ride by someone who is. Let your teen know that while you don’t
    approve of drug use, you don’t want him or her to take dangerous risks.

It’s important to be supportive and
have open communication with your children. This can encourage them to turn to you
instead of drugs, alcohol, or smoking. As a parent, this is one of most important gifts
you can give your children.

Connecting with your teen

The more involved you are in your
teen’s life, the less likely he or she is to drink, smoke, or use drugs. Here are some
ways to be supportive:

  • Build your teen’s self-esteem. During the teen yours the body changes,
    emotions run high, and moods swing. It can be a confusing time for both you and
    your teen. Listen to your teen, and be careful not to judge. Let your teen know
    that his or her feelings are important. This helps build self-esteem. If your teen
    has the confidence, assertiveness, and strength to handle tough times, he or she
    will be less likely to try drugs, alcohol, and tobacco to feel better or to please

  • Keep tabs on your teen. Know how much time your teen spends unsupervised.
    Studies show that having a lot of unsupervised time can make a teen more likely to
    try drugs. Help your teen choose healthy leisure activities.

  • Know their friends. Discourage your teen from having friends that use
    drugs, alcohol, or tobacco. Peer pressure is a powerful influence on teens.

  • Be a role model. If you smoke or use alcohol or drugs, chances are your
    teen will, too. If you smoke or have a problem with alcohol or drugs, get help.
    Call a local substance use treatment center or an organization such as Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics
    , or Nicotine
    . Let your teen see your efforts to kick a substance use habit.
    Or ask a relative or friend who is trying to quit smoking, drinking or using drugs
    to talk with your teen about how strong the addiction is.

  • Ask for help. Raising children is complicated, and you may need help.
    Think about taking a parenting class or going to a family counselor. Hospitals and
    community centers often offer such classes. Your teen’s healthcare provider can
    help you find one.

Watch for signs of substance use.
Here are some common ones:

  • Change of friends

  • Drop in grades

  • Lack of motivation

  • Red eyes (or increased use of eye drops)

  • Secretiveness or moodiness

  • Missing nail polish remover, correction fluid, or paint (common inhalants) from around your house

  • Using air freshener, incense, or breath freshener to cover the smell of cigarettes or marijuana

  • Violence or destructiveness

If you notice any of these signs of substance use, talk with your teen and your teen’s healthcare provider or a counselor. Take the problem seriously, and get help.